At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
