I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
