I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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