is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
