You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
