dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
