dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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