i barfeds in our rink
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
