Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
