I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
