i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its about making memories worth repressing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
