I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
