You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Even my vagina gasped.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
