i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
