When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
