I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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