If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
