She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
