now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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