We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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