just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
