I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
