WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
