Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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