I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
