I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
