Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
