he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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