i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
