I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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