pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
