I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
