she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
