I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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