then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
