worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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