I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
