Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
