he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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