new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
