he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
