Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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