You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
