Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
