Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
