I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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