I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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