Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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