He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
