I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
