I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
