Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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