gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
