Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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