I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
