i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
