dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
