Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
